There was a wonderful suggestion to go back into my history a little to help me get comfortable with writing this blog.
And it's a great idea.
Except tonight, I'm a little pre-occupied with right now.
I keep mulling the same thought over and over in my head...
"Am I heading to try #3....or try #7?"
The doctors, they think of it as try #3. Or maybe more precisely, #3b. As far as they are concerned, I got pregnant on try #4. It doesn't matter what the ultimate outcome was, I got pregnant on try #4. So this is in fact an attempt at a second pregnancy, and therefore it will only be try #3.
My head, now it agrees with them. I really am heading to #3, and since it is only #3, there is no need to panic. To worry. To cry. It can still happen. It did before.
But my heart? My heart counts a little differently. My heart remembers six rounds of ups and downs, of pounding in hope and pounding in fear, of sinking and rising and falling again. My heart remembers one wonderful, amazing, life-changing result, and five disappointing, definitive, and increasingly painful 'no's'.
My heart has no doubt - I'm heading to #7.
I like my head's version better.
My wallet would too...!
It's just a #.. just think that you are heading towards having a baby and don't worry about the #. You can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, follow Baby Chase on this one. Don't let your mind wander to the number of tries. Stay focused on forward as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to think about the number. I've only done three attempts and I already know the frustration and pain. I'm thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteIf you like your head's version, then go with that! It's hard but try to remain hopeful & look to the future & your ultimate success.
ReplyDeleteAs Baby Chase said, its just a #. I can understand and utterly relate to the fear, but as as far as conception goes, if you have manage it once, then its absolutely certain you will again.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award.